Gosh it disturbs me to see you Gaston looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you Gaston even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you you're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston no one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect a pure paragon
You can ask any
Tom Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on
Who plays? who breaks?
Darts like Gaston? hearts like Gaston?
Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
My what a guy that Gaston
Well there's no one as easy to bolster as you too much?
No one fights like Gaston douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
Is that fair?
No one hits like Gaston matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Ten points for Gaston
Who has brains entertains?
Like Gaston like Gaston
Say it again who's a man among men? who's the super success?
Don't you know? can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
And his name's
I believe there's another T it just occurred to me that I'm illiterate
And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before